Day 1

Wow it's been an interesting year. Starting in the May/June timeframe, I started having unexplainable pain that none of the doctors could explain -- mostly in my legs. I couldn't walk without my legs hurting, and my ankles feeling weak. I had 3 MRI's, an EMG -- the docs found nothing wrong with me, except a thyroid nodule that really had nothing to do with my pain. Looking back at it now, it was DEFINITELY stress related. Since then, I've started at a new job, for which we will have to relocate. Now we're putting our house on the market, trying to sell after just one year in the house, and OH, that pesky thyroid nodule -- well it had to come out because the biopsy was inconclusive. Turns out that it was benign, but now I have a lovely purple scar on my neck. Oh and of course my family is just increasing the crazy every day. Thank God in heaven for my inlaws :)

Well, anyway, needless to say the stress of the last few months has hindered my weight loss progress, but I think I really used it as an excuse. "I'm stressed out, so eating 3 servings of ice cream everyday is ok". "My feet hurt so I can't exercise", even though I could have swam or biked or gone on the elliptical. Stuff like that. There were always things I could do, but I just didn't have, and didn't WANT to have the energy or the drive to do them. That's the way it goes I guess, but it's definitely not healthy.

I think I really realized how far I had gone when I started to see red stretch marks on my belly, right next to my belly button. I never in a MILLION YEARS would have thought that I would be fat enough to see those red stretch marks. At first I thought it might have been a rash, but then I turned to my side and I saw them also on my side/lovehandle areas. Nope, not a rash. F***. So I've been stewing on this for two weeks now, getting more and more depressed, and I think it's time to take action. For God's sake I preach to people all the time how it doesn't matter what you say -- that actions are what truly speak...

SO, I'm starting over. I kept my first post from last time, but called it a "Reminder" -- because frankly, there's no need to write all over again what I already know. It's all still true. What stinks is that after all the work I did to lose the weight last time -- I gained it all back, and then some. I was at the doctor earlier this week, and I didn't even take my shoes off. I knew I was going to be upset either way, so why bother. Well, I weighed in at 215 -- 13 pounds more than I started at the beginning of 2010. Well today is the day that's going to change.

I am pledging to myself and my friends that I am going to:

• Stick to the weight watchers plan
• Exercise for a total of at least 3 hrs per week
• Weigh in on Sundays (except the first week)
• Take measurements on the 1st of every month
• Write in this blog at least 3x per week.

I am going to forgo the monthly posting of pictures for a while, but I will pledge to take the pictures on the 1st of every month. I will post 3 month updates showing pictures/progress. Need to get rid of these red marks first, haha.

Anyway, I hope you all haven't lost faith in me yet... getting back on the horse, giving it another go.... 80 lbs this time... Goal is ~135!!! Leave me some love..... :)

Reminder

My name is Jessie Walters. I'm 28 years old, married to the love of my life, have two awesome dogs, and a great job. I think that most people would love to have my life. There's only really one thing that I suffer with that I would never wish on anyone - I've never been comfortable in my own skin. My appearance has always been an issue for me. Big, small, fat, thin - it was never good enough, and I was never happy. There was always SOMETHING that I wanted to change. If it wasn't my weight, it was the white spot on my tooth, the bump in my nose, the stubbiness of my fingers and toes. Even today I still struggle with these issues. Sometimes I wonder when I'm going to cut myself a break.

I have struggled with my weight ever since I was 14 years old - I've gained and lost 50+ pounds twice before, gone from as small as a size 4 to as large as a 14! But, I cannot ever seem to get off the rollercoaster - and now, I'm at the top of the hill once again, only this time I'm going for the REAL thrill. I've got 65+ pounds to lose this time. It seems like every time I lose, I gain back more than I weighed the last time I lose. I'm really afraid that if I don't lose the weight for GOOD and break the cycle, that I am going to end up miserable and unable to appreciate all of the good things that I DO have. And I'm afraid that I might die an early death if I don't nip this in the bud NOW.

Well, today is the day. Today is the day that I am going to start. Of course I have said this all before, but today I actually got on the scale. And now I'm really mad. I am mad at myself for ever letting my weight get so high. It's not like I have some kind of disease or that I am taking some kind of medication that made me get so heavy... it's just that I can't stop putting food in my fucking mouth!!! I eat because I'm bored, I eat because I'm stressed, I eat because food is put in front of me, and those habits all need to change, pronto.

A weight loss program wouldn't be complete without goals, so here's my shot at it. I'm going to list a range for weight, since my focus is actually going to be on body fat, and not weight.

Goal Fitness Stats
Weight: 120 - 140 lbs
BMI: 22
Body Fat%: 21%